As I write this article, I am preparing for my dad’s burial. He passed away recently and by the time you read this, his remains would have been laid to rest for two days.
My dad was a great man and led a good life, so as painful as this is, I am grateful and glad to be his son. Death has a way of making one think of life and the most important things in one’s life. Isn’t it? You start to make certain lifestyle changes and sift through many things.
One of the things I often hear from people is how they have many regrets that they did not tell the ones they lost how much they loved them and what they meant to them. Some would also lament about how the last words to them and what transpired was not good. Fights, abuse and bitterness were the result. These things happen. We are humans and have issues and emotions to deal with. We cannot tell when some things will come out and since we are not seers, we cannot tell if the times we saw and had disagreements or fights with people would be very bad and be the last time we saw them. No one can predict these things and it would be futile to try.
However, we can make sure that we often communicate with the ones we love and not let bad blood fester and get worse over time. That is something we can control. We have a choice to let them continue or bring a stop to it. This kind of thing happens in many relationships and marriages. People get hurt, angry and bitter and refuse to let it go.
It is normal for people to be angry about things and not let go easily. It all depends on the individual and the offence, and while we know some people are just childish, selfish and inconsiderate, I am referring to mature people who have genuine reasons to be annoyed with their partners and spouses. To quote Jesus in the Bible; “offences will come.” This is a fact and anyone going around with the idea that they will never have issues with someone they love is lying.
That is another tale I often hear and I laugh. I meet many people boasting all over the place about having perfect friendships, relationships and marriages where there is never any disagreement.
I find it odd that someone can grow up in a family and have issues from time to time with family members, but then claim to meet and fall in love with someone from another family, with their different way of seeing life, thinking, talking and acting and yet claim nothing will ever be an issue. It is ridiculous as the idea that one can change where one lives from a temperate place to a cold one and say nothing will occur and there will be no issues. That is a lie.
The thing, as I said, is that when things come up we need to handle them in a way that does not make things worse. Not an easy feat but very possible and it must be done. Even if we fail at it sometimes, we can make it right many times as possible.
They say you miss 100 per cent of the shots you do not take and that is just the truth. We must make efforts. We need to be able to sit down with the people that matter to us and trash out the issues we have with them.
I do not want this to sound like we need to do it so that we do not have regrets if they die or vice- versa. That is not what I am trying to say at all. That is an extreme point. I am just saying that it could happen and even if it does not, this divide we let occur and deepen over unsettled hurts does more harm than many of us realise.
This is why one issue turns into many and suddenly ego, stubbornness and bitterness lead to divorce for many marriages that seemed so stable and right. Many people have been the architects of their own mess. They see the thunder clouds gather as the sky turns dark, so they know it is going to rain but they step out without an umbrella or any other form of protection and then they complain about getting drenched in the rain and catching cold. This makes no sense at all.
We need to value our relationships enough to fight for them. Fight for love and do the best you can to stay together in love, respecting one another and settling issues as soon as possible in the best way possible. Be willing to make sacrifice and do things right.
If what you share with someone is important to you, then put in the work to make it go well. We are each responsible for our relationships, be they platonic or romantic. Let us not be like many others with many regrets. People do not have to die before we lose them completely and there is no way back to save what we once had.
Culled From a Post by Onuora Onianwa in The Punch